3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
