Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
