there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
