how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
