the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
