Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize