so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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