i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
