don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize