just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
