i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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