ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
