So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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