Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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