i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
