You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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