I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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