I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
