She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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