Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
