Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize