Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
