Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize