You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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