Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
