your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
