I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
