You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
