He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
