Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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