Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
