The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
