I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
