how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
