my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
