i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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