there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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