Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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