Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
