can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
