I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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