I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
