there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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