Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
