I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
