We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
