the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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