My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rumble strips road head = magical
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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