do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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