I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
