i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
