Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My penis needs a shock collar
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
