Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
