he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
