if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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