am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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