Well douche your snatch and let's go!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
