Plan B is the new Plan A
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
