I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
