I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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