so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
