So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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