I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
