the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
