Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize