I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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