it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
