Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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