rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
