My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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