I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
