I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just forgot I was standing up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
