hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize