i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
