i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
