The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
